New england

Time and space to think have made me realise that I could write a different history for my reasons for cycle touring. I was stressed and depressed yes but modern society was only part of the issue. The other side of that coin is yet another end to a non-platonic relationship which gives good cause for introspection, change and flight.

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It was interesting to hear in Bilbao the worries and complaints from two women regarding men of the Basque region. Their main gripe, inconsistency. A part of me felt their pain and could relate to the apparent sudden overnight change of heart that has seemingly characterised the end of many of my relationships. However I also know that the apportioning of blame is not helpful or healthy.

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People change, circumstances change and what can appear inconsistent and irrational often has perfectly rational reasoning behind it. I also know I am hard to live with. I can be forthright and uncompromising in my views. I believe in politics that to some are difficult and I often have a nihilistic personal philosophy which comes out in my actions.

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However I know there are positives to my company. I also know that although I enjoy the platonic friendship that I get from many people there isn’t anything quite like ‘love’. That almost indescribable feeling which is entirely biology and hormones and yet represents itself as nothing of the sort. I am now however prepared for the fact that ultimately all non-platonic relationships are finite over any time-scale. So my heart is open to the world be that for an hour or a lifetime but that time period no longer matters.

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So maybe this trip is not about finding a solution to my problem with modern society. Identifying that society is a problem enables me to enact a solution without requiring a ‘long term’ plan or goal. So the words of the Billy Bragg song resonate through my head:

“I don’t want to change the world, I’m not looking for a new England, I’m just looking for another girl”

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