Time and space to think have made me realise that I could write a different history for my reasons for cycle touring. I was stressed and depressed yes but modern society was only part of the issue. The other side of that coin is yet another end to a non-platonic relationship which gives good cause for introspection, change and flight.
It was interesting to hear in Bilbao the worries and complaints from two women regarding men of the Basque region. Their main gripe, inconsistency. A part of me felt their pain and could relate to the apparent sudden overnight change of heart that has seemingly characterised the end of many of my relationships. However I also know that the apportioning of blame is not helpful or healthy.
People change, circumstances change and what can appear inconsistent and irrational often has perfectly rational reasoning behind it. I also know I am hard to live with. I can be forthright and uncompromising in my views. I believe in politics that to some are difficult and I often have a nihilistic personal philosophy which comes out in my actions.
However I know there are positives to my company. I also know that although I enjoy the platonic friendship that I get from many people there isn’t anything quite like ‘love’. That almost indescribable feeling which is entirely biology and hormones and yet represents itself as nothing of the sort. I am now however prepared for the fact that ultimately all non-platonic relationships are finite over any time-scale. So my heart is open to the world be that for an hour or a lifetime but that time period no longer matters.
So maybe this trip is not about finding a solution to my problem with modern society. Identifying that society is a problem enables me to enact a solution without requiring a ‘long term’ plan or goal. So the words of the Billy Bragg song resonate through my head:
“I don’t want to change the world, I’m not looking for a new England, I’m just looking for another girl”